Accepting a chronic illness like fibromyalgia isn’t something you do once and are done with. It’s a battle that must be fought constantly, a process where you alternate between keeping your head above water and being dragged back down by reality. Some days you manage to adapt, find your balance, and feel a sense of calm. Other days, the illness knocks you off your feet, and you’re left with a despair that feels bottomless.
For both Hanne Kolflaath and Gunvor Skippervik, acceptance has been a part of everyday life - but in their own ways and at different stages of life.
When reality catches up with you - again and again
Hanne was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2023. After many years as a top executive, with a daily life characterized by pace, determination, and mastery, it was difficult to realize that her body was no longer on her side. Although she has worked hard to adapt to a new rhythm of life, the learning curve has been steep—and unpredictable.
– “Acceptance isn’t a finish line you can cross; it’s something you have to work on every single day. I’ve had periods where I’ve almost wondered if the diagnosis was a mistake—because suddenly my body felt stronger, the days easier. Then comes the next blow. The pain, the exhaustion, the limits that suddenly become clear again. And I have to start over, again and again, says Hanne. A weekend trip to the mountains was supposed to be a much-needed break—a chance to experience a sense of mastery, freedom, and the tranquility of nature.
- “I set out with a backpack full of expectations and a body that felt ready. On the first day, I used up all the energy I had, and for the rest of the weekend I had to stay at the cabin while my friend went on the hikes we had planned together. I lay in bed, listening to the wind outside, and felt the disappointment hit me hard. It wasn’t just my body that had let me down—it felt as though I had let myself down.
When my friend tried to comfort me and said, “Summit hikes and ski touring will have to wait for the next life,” something inside me snapped. I cried. Not because she meant any harm—but because it was true. Dreams I once took for granted may no longer be part of this life.
When acceptance feels like defeat
It’s often said that acceptance is about “letting go” and finding peace with the situation. But the truth is that acceptance can also feel like a loss. A grief over everything you’re losing, over the life you thought you were going to have.
– I get angry. I get sad. And sometimes I just want to scream that it’s unfair. But acceptance isn’t about being happy and grateful all the time—it’s about daring to face reality, even when it feels brutal,” says Hanne.
For her, acceptance isn’t the same as giving up. It’s about finding new ways to live, without denying the grief that comes with it.
– I let myself cry; I let myself feel the injustice. But in the end, I pull myself together, get back up, and find a new way forward. Because that’s the only choice I have.
20 years of experience, but the same challenge
Gunvor was diagnosed over 20 years ago. After two decades with fibromyalgia, one might think acceptance would have set in long ago, but for her, it remains a challenge.
“I’ve lived with this for so long, but acceptance is never constant. I know what I need to do to feel my best, but it’s still hard to accept that my body sets limits,” says Gunvor.
She has found her own way to cope with the illness. By spending the winter months in warmer climates, she avoids some of the worst stiffness and pain that the cold brings.
“When I’m in the warmth, I feel almost healthy. I can go on longer walks, sleep better, and have much more energy. But then I come home to the cold again, and reality hits me all over again. I have to go through the process of adjusting my activity level and finding my balance again. It’s always difficult,” she says.
For Gunvor, it’s not just the physical aspect that’s challenging, but the mental one as well.
– Every time I come home, I have to remind myself that this is a part of my life. It’s a tough transition, and even though I know what’s ahead, it’s never easy. But I’ve learned that I can’t fight it—I have to accept it and adapt, she says.
Acceptance — a never-ending cycle
Hanne and Gunvor have different stories, but what they have in common is that acceptance isn’t a final destination—it’s an ongoing process. There is no simple recipe for finding balance, and no quick path to fully coming to terms with the illness. But by listening to your body, adjusting your expectations, and allowing for both sorrow and joy, it becomes possible to create a daily life that works—despite the limitations.
“Acceptance isn’t about giving up, but about finding new ways to live. Some days are easier than others,” says Hanne.
“It’s completely normal to have to go through a few rounds of self-reflection about what to prioritize and what to let go of. The most important thing is to find a balance that brings joy and quality of life,” says Gunvor.
Fibromyalgia sets its limits, but with adaptation, self-care, and an understanding that acceptance is not a one-time process, life can still hold good days—even if they come in waves.
Acceptance as an active process
– From a therapeutic perspective, acceptance isn’t about giving up, but about choosing how to relate to the illness and its limitations, says Nina Melhus, a cognitive therapist. It involves facing the pain and disappointments without letting them define your entire life—while acknowledging both the grief over what has been lost and the opportunities that still exist.
With fibromyalgia, good periods can create optimistic expectations that later clash with reality. When the body fails, feelings such as frustration and powerlessness often follow. By facing this with self-compassion and adjusted expectations, it becomes easier to find balance in a daily life marked by fluctuations.
– Both the inner optimist and the inner pessimist can drain our energy—one promises more than the body can handle, the other steals the joy in advance. Practicing a more neutral attitude—waiting and seeing—can therefore be more sustainable. That doesn’t mean stopping looking forward to things, but feeling anticipation without tying yourself to a specific outcome, Nina continues.
– Ultimately, acceptance is a skill that requires practice. It’s about adjusting course along the way and finding new paths forward. With practice, you can adopt a more flexible attitude toward what lies ahead—and go with the flow of life to a greater extent, rather than expending energy resisting what you cannot control. This saves you from wasting energy and makes room for greater life mastery and joy.
